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deas do not come across very clearly throughout. I feel that I’m not fully understanding the full purpose of the grant and who it’s supposed to be serving
based on the way this has been written. I would recommend being more clear and direct in order to avoid this sort of uncertainty from your audience.
There are several areas where you use vague terminology and it leaves the reader unsure of your meaning. I would also recommend condensing much of the
content down and being more clear and direct with your language.
For example, the written proposal should two to three paragraphs long. The current proposal is eight paragraphs long. How would you condense your paper
into the required paragraph amount?
According to assignment’s requirements, the paragraphs should be a problem/need statement. How would you grab the attention of the funder to want to
assist with the problem? How would you utilize statistics to clearly document the need/problem? How would you use anecdotal stories to convey the
urgency of the need/problem? It looks like you have the information, so the next step is removing any filler and condensing the paragraphs down to the
required amount. I encourage outlining the requirements on a new page. Then, you can fill in the requirements with text that you already written and you can
see where anything new needs to be added.
Let’s take a look at the second body paragraph. The first sentence reads “Unless the tutorial programs are funded, relevant online pedagogical approaches
may encounter technical issues in faculty and teaching tasks.” Because this body paragraph delves beyond what’s stated in the highlighted sentence, what
would be a more appropriate topic sentence?
How would you apply this concept to other body paragraphs?
here are areas where stronger word choice can be used. Strong word choice uses vocabulary and language to maximum effect. This provides clarity and
helps support your points. When reading your paper, try to look for vague words. Some vague words can be unclear pronouns, “things,” “something,” “people,”
“stuff,” “that,” “this,” or “it.” If you see an opportunity for clarification, I encourage taking it so that you improve getting your point across.
Let’s take a look at the last sentence in the introduction. “They identified that age group is associated with huge issues related to peer pressure, adolescent
behavior, and eccentric characters hence the main interest in students’ engagement.” Here, it is unclear who “they” is referring to. How would you clarify the
sentence? It’s helpful to keep to think of the reader as a stranger who does not have the same context as you. By clarifying sentences, you provide that
How would you apply this concept elsewhere in the paper?